Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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