I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
