I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
