I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
