Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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