Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They took my balls.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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