i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
