Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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