Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I wear drunk well.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
