There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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