I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
