Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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