I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
