And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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