I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
