You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize