He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
