Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
