I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
