Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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