Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
