After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
