I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I could fuck to npr.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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