Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she told me i tasted like america
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
