Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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