I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
