dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
