Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
