There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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