is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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