I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
