this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
