A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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