Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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