Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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