Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
