I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
