i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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