anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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