If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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