Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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