that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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