its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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