ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
