I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
