just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
