3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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