theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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