is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
