The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
