When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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