Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm at about main and main street
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
