Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
