He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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