Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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