ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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