toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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