he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
