Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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