You really coming over, don't trick.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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