So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
