Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
