It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
