we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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