I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I would ride that face into the sunset
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
