He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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