So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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