areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
